Perfect picnic

Heather and family came up this weekend to help me with the house.  I lost control of it a while ago.  Thinking that we might put it on the market, I needed help.  My family to the rescue!  Friday night, Heather drove up and then Saturday, Mom and Robert came along.  Saturday we tackled the living room.  While we were throwing away broken toy pieces, Heather suggested that we take a walk on the beach early Sunday morning before resuming house cleaning.  I suggested we bring breakfast.

Sunday morning, we left the house before eight and got to Jenness Beach early enough to nab parking spaces and space on the sand to spread the quilts.

We chowed down on oat ginger and cherry orange scones, strawberry jam, doughnuts, hard boiled eggs, cucumber and tomato salad, Italian bread, apple sauce, and fruit salad. Yummers!

Certain men-folk needed naps afterwards.

Followed by family photo opportunity.

And then we walked.

Robert took the younger set exploring the high tide mark while Mom, Heather, and I stuck to the shallow water to start. We merged into one group on the way back.

And Stan, feeling under the weather, continued to nap.

What a perfect way to spend a few, early morning hours.

You will be missed, Bill McDermod

I've been thinking of Bill in the past tense for the past 36 hours or so.  I'm still having trouble grasping that concept.  Seven weeks ago he was diagnosed with cancer and he left the body on Tuesday.  This final stage of his earthly journey dragged on and flew by at the same time.

I met Bill in 2007 at work.  I was a contractor, and he was a supervisor on the government side in our building.  In passport terms, it was the blitz of 2007 when there was a massive surge of applications and not the staff to process.  Passport services made the nightly news more than once, and not for good reasons.  I had a job in Customer Service and didn't know much.  He was one of the original employees that started the office and knew everything.  But what I remember most from that hectic summer was that he was kind, patient, always provided me with an answer to a question and quickly became one of my favorite folks that I sought out when I needed help.  In October, when I applied to the Career Entry Program, he interviewed me for the government position.

As the years went on, he became my supervisor, a mentor, and then a real colleague.  We never socialized outside of work, but I like to think we were friends.  He was passionate on behalf of the bargaining unit employees.  He advocated for them, even when it was clear the position he took was not what management was looking for.  He cared.  Deeply.  He believed in the mission, the essence of the job that could get lost in discussions on production standards and other metrics.  When I was on his team, he believed in my potential.  He thought I had a bright career at NPC and he championed me to anyone who would listen.  

This morning I printed out my 2010 year end performance appraisal and reread it.  I don't really recognize myself in his narrative, but I am so glad that he saw my potential.  One of my favorite parts was when he talked about my mentoring, "...(she) provided concise direction as a mentor, while consistently delivering outstanding results in all areas of adjudication.  Her approach was clearly stated, and seldom overruled."  He also said that efficiency and accuracy were key components when discussing my adjudicative prowess.  Prowess?  Hah!  This appraisal reads like a novel.  He loved words.  He used many, often with much humor, when a few would have sufficed.  I wish I had kept some of the outlandish paragraphs that he wrote about the most mundane thing.  He was a DJ on the weekend, combining his love of music and the spoken word.  And he liked to talk.  I gladly listened.

When I had my health scare at the end of 2010, I walked into his office, closed the door, squared my shoulders and got personal.  I told him that the doctors had found cells in my uterus that often lead to cancer.  I was going to need to take 6 weeks off from work and I felt that I needed to tell him, in case I seemed distracted.  He listened.  He said the exact right things.  He eased my mind.  I was grateful then for his response and have tried to emulate his professionalism when I have been faced with an employee in distress.

After his diagnosis, he returned to work for a few weeks, in between radiation sessions and before chemo.  I didn't want to be a groupie and just hang out in his office.  So I sent him an email, letting him know that I wanted to help in whatever way I could and that I was rooting for him to beat this.  He sent me back such a sweet reply, "Your understanding goes a long way in helping me realize what a wonderful thing positive human interaction can be.  You have always been able to combine the necessary ingredients of professional behavior and personal interaction in just the right balance...you are a wonderful supervisor and a person I am proud to call a friend and colleague....thank you...Bill McD...."

The day before he had his first chemo treatment, I did go down to his office to let him know that I would be thinking of him.  He was fighting against such steep odds -- for his children, his soul mate, and for anybody else who might find a seed of inspiration in his battle.  He was going into the chemo phase with trepidation...but he wasn't scared.  He was overwhelmed with the outpouring of good wishes.  I chided him on his humility.  Damn straight people cared!  They were expressing their feelings accordingly.  I didn't know that would be our last conversation -- I'm so grateful that I had the opportunity to tell him how much he had meant to me personally. 

He was in the twilight of his career and he was looking forward to retirement, a few more trips to Vegas, and stepping away from the daily drama that envelops our building.  There will be so many things that I will miss over the coming days, weeks, and years.  His passion for the good fight.  His love of Boston sports teams, he had a sports t-shirt for any occasion.  The twinkle in his eye when he told a funny story and the way he could use his voice.  I will miss his voice.  I will miss his support.  His humor and kindness.  His slightly shaggy white hair and twinkly eyes.  His inherent goodness.  And his daily response to the question, "how are you today?"  "I'm living the dream."  He never strayed from that answer.  Always, every day, he was living the dream.

Rest in peace, Mr. Bill McDermod.  In you memory and honor,  I will try to remember to keep living the dream.

Photo from his FB page, caption by Bob O.

Our annual April trip to NY

First, before we left, Selim took his karate test last Friday night and was promoted to brown belt!  We are so proud.

I think this past weekend was our third annual trip to see Heather and family during April vacation.  This year was a bit different in that JT couldn't join all the activities since he had school.  But otherwise, we had a fabulous time.

This won't be a dear diary, hour by hour chronicle...I don't have time this evening for that.  But I do have some pictures to share.

We went into NYC on Sunday to go to the Met and see two exhibits: The Sultans of Deccan India and The Plains Indians, Artists of Earth and Sky. I highly recommend both.  All of went to the Plains exhibit first.  The boys found it somewhat interesting.  There were items that sparked Selim's interest: a bear claw necklace

a ceremonial headdress

and the big skins with battle scenes depicted right on them.  I found the use of porcupine quills really fascinating.  I had no idea that you could make such beautiful intricate and detailed patterns with quills.  One of my favorite things was a belt that a little girl would have worn.  It had pouches, tools, and other essentials.  Sweet isn't the right adjective...thought provoking, smile inducing.  I can't imagine being small and having this be my belt.

As I walked around, I had flashes of news coverage of the destruction of heritage sites in the Middle East going through my mind.  Civilizations have made art and functional objects beautiful. We are so lucky that the objects in this exhibit have been saved so that we can learn from them and have a better understanding of life before we were born.  To watch the willful destruction of other objects half a world away is sickening.  Such a loss that cannot be regained.

After lunch, the boys went to the armor section and then out for a romp in Central Park while the ladies meandered through the Deccan exhibit.  There was so much to see that I found it hard to concentrate. The New York Times had a big write up on the exhibit and that might have been a cause for it to be so crowded.  It was fun to walk through it with Heather.  She loved the beautiful, functional home pieces: door stoppers and pitchers.  I found myself taking pictures of the big photographs of architectural details that were on the walls.

Both of us spent long moments with the textiles.  And so did Tim Gunn.  Somehow we found ourselves looking at the same things as we moved through the different rooms.  There was one tent flap that I wanted to document, I couldn't believe that a tent flap could be so intricately decorated.  Well, Tim and a designer from a previous season of Project Runway also found a lot to enjoy about that particular textile.  I waited and waited and waited.  I didn't want to take a picture with him standing in front of it because I didn't want him to think I was taking a picture of him.  So I waited some more.  Then they moved on and I could take my picture.  And then we kept being in the same orbit.  I hope he didn't think I was a stalker.

Tent flap

I think one of my top five pieces in this exhibit was a prayer mat that was a long strip, with individual spaces marked by different pattern.  This one had nine spaces marked for nine people.  I could just imagine rows and rows of these beautiful prayer rugs.

In that exhibit I was also grateful for my spiritual path.  Growing up, attending services, I listened to stories involving Muslim saints, along with Sikh, Hindu, and Christian.  I heard about Emperor Jahangir in stories, and the devotion of Layla and Majnun -- depicted in some of the paintings and manuscripts.  I have a reference point for the art and objects of this particular display.  The museum provided magnifying glasses and I'm so glad that I scored one.  The detail in the miniature paintings came to life under the magnifying glass that was so surprising.

A family that visits museums together, eats ice cream afterwards by the fountain together and takes other photos.

Shoes!

Monday, Heather, Selim, and I went back to the city on a fabric quest.  We went to Mood first, keeping with our Project Runway theme.  What a place!  We fingered the silks and wished we had a project in mind so that we could rationalize a purchase.  But we didn't, so we passed.  We did find shirting fabric to buy.  Heather is going to make some tops for Grammy Bev, and I have visions of making a dress and a shirt.  At some point, I will have to figure out how to put in a zipper and make a button hole if I want to have success with clothes.  May be I can find a pattern without to start.

Fabric and more glorious fabric

My 2 pink stripe choices

Happy with our choices, we walked another 10 blocks to City Quilter.  I found it harder to be economical with my choices, but I did a pretty good job.  Selim found some ninja fabric that he wants to become a pillow.  I picked up a couple New York City prints and a couple of bag patterns.

After lunch, Heather headed back home to pick up JT from school and Selim and I continued our adventure.  I wanted to find bread pans the same size as I bought in London.  Surely I could find them.  We tried four different shops that took us from Chelsea Market, down to Greenwich St and 13th and then back up to 22nd and 23rd streets.  No luck.  But I did find an off-set spatula, mini doughnut pan and a teapot cookie cutter.  Selim bought a mug with the image of the Welsh flag.  In total, we walked close to 4.5 miles.  We picked up the subway at 23rd and then hopped on Metro North to go back to Harrison.

Chelsea Market

Fountain / water fall Chelsea Market

Grand Central Station

Selfie on the train

Train reflection, wearing his new Real Madrid jersey

This morning, I sewed on the brown trim on Selim's karate uniform and Heather started the shirt pattern.  It was so fun drinking tea, sewing, singing, and just being together.  We need a family compound, for realz.  Seeing each other once a month or every other month is better than once a year...but I wish we could bop over just for a cup of tea or to borrow a cup of sugar.  May be some day.

Easter

My Lovey Lamb and I spent a much needed weekend at the Ashram.  Heather and JT had driven up on Wednesday, so they had a head start on us.

Yesterday, the adults hid eggs outside and our two boys plus one, braved the gusty north wind to hunt.  Some eggs were more visible than others.

This morning, I took the boys downstairs to the classroom and we hid the eggs for Mom and Robert.  Again, some were able to blend in with the science stuff and presented more of a challenge than others.

This weekend felt like a tonic to what has been such a difficult past six weeks to two months or so. Most of it isn't my story to tell, but I've been affected by it none the less -- so much so that good sleep can be illusive for days at a time.  When I manage to relax enough to let my mind stop and I've drifted off --I've woken up from dreams, my pillows twisted in knots, hands clenched, and screaming in rage.  Going back to sleep after one of those episodes is difficult. I've been so heart sick that the pressure on my chest has manifested in the physical sensation where I find it difficult to breathe.   Being tired on top of the stress of the situation is not an optimum condition for me. Life has not been easy.

I'm trying to model my Mom's behavior.  When I have been in turmoil, her response has been, "I love you.  I support you -- whatever you decide.  And how can I help you?  Is there anything I can do to make it better for you?"  Now that the tables are turned,  I'm trying not to press my own agenda and feelings onto the situation, but be supportive of the decisions that Mom and Robert make.  I love them. I've tried my best to accept the way forward that they have taken.  I have listened, gave my thoughts when asked, and will be on their team to do whatever I can to alleviate any burned that I am able. They have taken the high road and have been mature, dignified, and remained true to their hearts and faith.  I've been schooled in the right way to react to adversity.  I am humbled.

On that front, I'm hopeful that we turned a corner at the end of this week and that progress has been made to resolve some difficult aspects of all this.  And maybe tomorrow we will get more positive news if one of my colleagues can return on a part-time basis.

And at some point, spring has got to come and make it more pleasant to get out and walk and eventually get back to running.  Since I've been hunkered indoors, I've chosen sewing and baking to soothe and relax and get me through these bad weeks.  I've made quite a bit of progress on my Birdbaths at Sunset quilt and have kept our family in home made bread for at least a month.  I guess some good has come out of this trying time.

Seagull centers

Pink pattern centers

Large shell centers

Close to finished, under 25 squares left to sew

Different camera, from a bit higher up

Moving bread dough to the sunny spots.

In the spirit of Easter, I need to be strong in my faith and trust that with His grace and mercy, this painful episode and transition to a new phase will work out to my/our ultimate spiritual benefit.  But man, trying to remain content in His will is a struggle.