Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day!  It has been a jam-packed weekend.  We have fit in delicious meals, hours of visiting, outside play, a 5k road race, park and shop to get parts for the kitty extraction, and picture taking.  Between the usage from Heather's camera and mine, this weekend was well documented.  But for now, I'm sitting on the couch -- with laundry in the washer, dryer and on the line; kitties quiet in the back room and my boys are locking up the boat.

Heather, Stan, and Joshua left around 12:30 and headed down to NY.  Stan starts the new job tomorrow.  Heather and Josh will work on finding a place to stay.  In the mean time, they have left the cats here with us.  It is a little daunting, considering the predicament yesterday.  In the morning, X and Z found their way under the kitchen sink and through a hole in the wall to a hidey spot along side the tub in the main bathroom.  A door buzzer tied to the end of a long stick, through the small opening in the wall did the trick to get out X.  The shop-vac hose blowing air around the tub got out Z in the evening.  Hours of excitement, let me tell you.  Now we just need to get them to feel safe in the back before they come out to the main part of the house.

We took great pictures these past few days.  We had many different groupings:  the ladies

the men

grandparents

Mom's and their kids

Tomlinsons

Sisters

cousins

And then there were the action shots, biking

tree climbing

water play

and my race.  I ran a 5k this morning.  The fear of being the last person held me back from signing up for a race.  When I looked at the results last year, I realized that I would be in the middle.  There were over 700 runners/walkers today.  I'm not sure where I finished, but it wasn't last and I did it in under 40 minutes.  On my regular 3 mile route, I'm running 11 and 12 minute miles.  But I knew that I would be slower running a route that I had never seen before.  I'm happy that I signed up, ran and finished.  I might try some more over the summer.

It was so sweet to be with Mom and Heather yesterday.  We pretended that Saturday was Mother's Day instead of today.   There isn't anything better than being with family.  I'm so happy that she will be on the east coast now, only a 4-5 hour drive away.  That is so close in comparison.  Here is to more visits,  easy play between the cousins, and the cats not feeling the need to hide in the walls.

I got the job!

Finally, the pressure on my chest that I have been feeling ever since my second interview has lifted.  I got the email this morning asking me if I would go down to the second floor so that I could get an update on the supervisor position.  When I walked into the office, he shook my hand and said congratulations.  I was surprised.  I had talked myself out of the job, for sure.  But he gave me good information from both my interviews and told me that as soon as DC can process the paperwork, I can start.  Since they like to start at the beginning of the pay period, there is a chance that I could begin as early as May 21.

The hard part was going back to my desk and not saying anything until all the final candidates had been notified.  It wasn't until right before our Director sent out an all-agency email around noon that I could tell my supervisor.  When I was in his office, the broadcast email went out.  For the rest of the afternoon people were stopping by and others sending emails.  It was so nice, all the positive reinforcements.

I have mixed emotions.  I will miss karate classes, the evening hours with bed and bath routines at home, the normal life of first shift.  But for the summer, I will be getting mornings at the beach, berry and peach picking in the cool hours on the day, and taking naps.  The hard part will be when Selim starts second grade and the homework, if I'm still on second shift.  But we will cross that bridge when we get there.

In the mean time, we are getting ready for Heather, Joshua and the cats.  I bought a new vacuum cleaner on Saturday, replacing the one I bought for my first apartment in New Hampton in 1990.  What a difference!  The weekend the project was the living room.  Mom came over for the bulk of Sunday and between the three of us, we took out eight bags of trash.  On the one hand that is awesome, on the other, a bit disgusting that I have not been able to toss all that crap before now. 

In the next three days, I need to buy a day bed and get into the back bedroom and make that nice.  Nedim needs to reseal the shower and sink, and the refrigerator needs a once over. 

But for tonight, I can relax and be happy that I got the job, and enjoy the rhythm of evening home life.

The day after

I had such a tough day yesterday.  Originally my second interview for the supervisor position was scheduled for 9:00am -- perfect time for me.  Half way through my work day, I would be fresh, alert and not having to think about it all day.  But the night before I was asked to change times to accommodate the panel to include second shift managers and the time changed to 1:00.  Sigh.  That is my last hour of my shift, when I am most tired and ready to leave the building.  

In retrospect, the change was a good thing.  When I opened my email yesterday morning, two messages were waiting.  The first was from the Overseas TDY coordinator with the formal request of my participation in the program, returning to London for the Olympics.  I'm so flattered that they would ask me back.  Good confidence booster, but I knew that I would have to talk it over with my management team.

The second email was a congratulations on making the second round of interviews for the supervisor position and to let me know that the position would be for second shift.  If I want to the management team, I need to go back to second shift and pay my dues and wait for an opportunity to open up on first.  All five positions that are open now are going to second shifters and those selected will back fill their positions.  Argh.  So the question is -- do I want the hours that my body likes and is best for my family or do I want career advancement, more money and a different work challenge?

My mind was in a fog all day.  I couldn't process the information.  I scheduled an 11:30 meeting to discuss the overseas TDY since I didn't know how to respond to the DC office.  I assumed, correctly, that if I don't get the supervisor job, management will support fully my going to London.  If I do get the supervisor job and am assigned an admin/floater role, then I may have support from management to go.  If I get the supervisor job and am assigned my own team right away, management will most likely not support my going abroad for 26 days.  And I understand the rationale completely and have no hard feelings about it.

And then at 1:00, my interview.  The panel comprised of four GS-13 Program Managers and one Assistant Director.  And me.  I felt the pressure of the moment in such a way that I could barely breathe.  My breaths were rapid and shallow.  The weight of my own expectations crushed me.  I didn't feel any chemistry with the panel.  I struggled to link my experience to the questions.  I stuttered.  I talked too much.  I got off tangent.  I was not my most coherent self.

I felt as though I had let down everybody.  Someone that I consider a mentor was on the panel.  I feel like I let her down.   Before the inerview, I had exchanges with people in management.  They were supporting me and telling me to "just be yourself."  As I sat in the chair at the head of the conference table I wondered if my best was good enough.  And if I don't get the job, then it is personal, something about me, that I failed.  Before, I could look at it as a skill set that they were looking for.  But the shift to thinking about being myself paralyzed me in a way that I did not expect. 

So I have no expectation of getting the job, even though in my head I know that I am qualified for it.  I have to keep reminding myself that if I don't get the job, then it is not my time and I will continue to love what I do, in the hours that I enjoy and I will go to London this summer.  How bad is that?  I will have other chances and there is Grace and Protection in what ever happens from here on out.

Through this process, I am grateful to the vocal support I have received.  Today at lunch I sat with a former team mate who told me that when she was on 100% audit and so stressed, she found me to be a calming influence.  She felt comfortable asking me questions and would walk away feeling like she could trust her own judgement and that she could exhale and relax.  What a great compliment.  And I only know about that because of trying to get to the next level.  I need to take comfort in that.

Today I was able to put the anxiety of the two interviews aside and focus on my regular work.  What a relief.  There is a tonic to just doing my normal job.  As the day wore on, my spirits lifted and I got over the second guessing and beating myself up about the experience.

And now, on to tonight's karate class!

My first 5K

Not thousands, but a distance run (if you can count 3.1 miles as a distance run).  But I had never gone over 3 miles and today I did.  According to the on-line map routing thing I used, I ran 3.17 miles.  And at some points during the run, I felt like I was really getting a stride going and not just plodding along.  I went in a big loop around the cemetery instead of my usual neighborhood laps.  I liked covering new ground and the long down hill towards the end.

I've had a stellar day; a much needed recharging of my introvert battery.  Nedim and I went out for breakfast and then parted ways.  He went to do boat chores and I came home and sewed.  I made significant progress on my place mats.  I went for a run.  I planted the kale, spinach and parsley that I bought yesterday.  I went to the fabric store for more thread and batting.  And then I got take out for dinner.   I was able to be quiet and enjoy the solitude.  As I had my hands in the dirt, with each plant I placed in the raised bed, I was thanking Mom and Robert for having Selim these few days -- for their willingness to spend their vacation giving me one.

My monkey

I'm thinking Selim's middle name should be monkey.  He has taken to tree climbing with a passion.  When he gets next to a tree, he is looking for a way to get up.  He can climb the small Japanese maple in our front yard now. 

Our lilacs are blooming, as are these small purple bulb flowers that I planted and can't remember what they are called.

Yesterday Nedim was involved in organizing the inaugural Turkish / NH cultural day.  There is a group of Turkish business men who have been organizing events with politicians in New England and this was part of their endeavor.  Nedim left early yesterday morning to help set up and Selim and I drove over later on.  We got to the State House just as the event started.  There were speeches, music, tables with tourist information and examples of tile work. They had food to feed the legislators and it was delicious.

It was so fun to see Nedim in his element.  He was helping with the food, making introductions and just doing his thing.  I love seeing him happy and involved.  Selim got in to the act by helping hand out plates and trying to keep the wind from blowing around the napkins and utensils.

Selim and I walked around the Capitol building and Selim told me to take a picture of the eagle, a detail of the entrance arch, and the bell.

And then I took a few more, just because.

When that was done, Selim and I headed up to the Ashram.  Selim is staying for a few days but I was there just for the overnight.  I had to get back home today because I had a interview for the Supervisor position at work.  On the drive east today, I stopped at a small garden center that Mom had mentioned and picked up kale, spinach and parsley 6-pack flats.  I figure these will be my insurance in case the seeds I planted don't come up.  I need to get out in my garden to weed.  I take inspiration from Mom's Buddha garden under the apple tree.  It is so pretty.

But to the interview, I think it went well.  I met with an Adjudication Manager and an Assistant Director.  I've been there long enough to know them by sight and make small talk, but I have not worked for or with either of them.  The interview felt conversational and my answered flowed from one topic to the next.  They seemed happy with my answers and I felt like I conveyed what I wanted to.  I should know by the end of next week or the beginning of the following if I made it to the second round of interviews. 

I'm so grateful that I had the experience of the interview for the Customer Service Manager earlier this year.  I knew the general process and the types of questions that they would ask.  What was nice about today was the fact that they referenced my resume and what the thought were my strengths.  So I could reference past work experience and know that they had an idea of what I was talking about.  Interesting that both of them picked up on the HR in my past and pointed out how they thought that was beneficial.

I went into the interview wearing a suit that Selim had helped me pick out, that had been too snug to wear when initially purchased.  But it felt fine today and it gave my a physical confidence that I hadn't expected.  I was happy wearing it and that was a bonus.

Cupcakes and garden

The first part of the week was dominated by cupcakes.  I had volunteered to bake for Selim's class on Thursday for the going away party for their teacher's assistant.  I knew that one of the kids had an egg allergy, so how hard could that be?  Then the parent coordinator wrote back that there were peanut/tree nut and dairy allergies in the class as well.  OK.  I can still do that.  Except that I skipped over the tree nut part and baked two batches of sour milk cake using coconut.  Good thing I reviewed the email before I put away all the supplies for the night.  I baked another batch using the orange juice version and then called it a night.  I got out of work early on Thursday and baked one more batch of chocolate and frosted them.  I bought store frosting because I I haven't figured out how to make good frosting without butter.  (I've put the recipes for the cupcakes at the end of this blog.)

The party went off well.  It was a surprise and the kids did not give it away.  The teacher asked if we could give a present that had a class room theme.  Selim gave a pencil box filled with paper clips, erasers, pencils, a stapler and stickers.  Other kids gave crayons, glue sticks, note pads, and other stuff.  It was very sweet.

My daffodils have not been spectacular this year.  I'm getting lots of green and only a few flowers.  Only one of my favorite peach color flowered. 

The tulips in front of the house aren't doing much, but two in the rock garden area bloomed yesterday.  I want to turn that area into a patio and put a chair and some big pots of flowers.  I hope that Nedim and I can get to that sooner rather than later.

My mother's day quince bush is flowering.  I love it.  This is its second year and the blossoms are spectacular.

Last night Selim decorated the front step with "nature" to make it pretty and help guide my way. 

Today Selim and I made a trip to Agway to get tomato seeds and a couple bags of garden soil.  We came home and took the flats out of the shed that we bought a few weeks ago but couldn't find the seeds.  Sigh.  Back to Agway to get kale, spinach, parsley, basil, cuke and zukes.  It didn't take long to fill up the two trays with our seeds.  Last year we had success so there is hope for this year.  I turned over the raised beds with the garden soil.  The first two beds are ready and the third one needs a bit more work.  I haven't gotten to the fourth yet.  I still have to weed that one and all compost and soil.

We are supposed to get some rain tonight.  I am keeping my fingers crossed.  It is so dry.  Without snow this winter and no rain this spring -- the earth is in need of moisture.  If we do get the rain, it will be easier to weed the herb garden and clean out the strawberry beds.

This is school vacation week.  I'm ready for a week with out the homework grind.  May be we can get to a couple of karate classes since we skipped today.  Last week I had two great classes.  I did an actual running start front roll on Tuesday and Thursday's class was all about forms.  But today we slept in until 7:30 and Selim seemed to need a lazy morning of cuddle time.  So I didn't push to get up and out for class.  Some days I'm not sure that I am making the right decisions.  Oh well.  I've gotten a lot done today.

Cupcake recipes are adapted from Cooking With Light: Favorite Vegetarian Recipes.

Wacky Cake

1 1/2 cups flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 heaping tablespoons cocoa powder
1 cup sugar
6 tablespoons oil
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 tablespoon cider vinegar.

Preheat oven to 350.  Line a 12 muffin tin with paper liners.

Mix all the dry ingredients together.  Add the oil, vanilla, and 1 cup warm water (if you aren't making for kids try adding 1 cup warm black coffee instead).  Whisk/stir.  Add the vinegar and mix gently.  Some stripes are OK.  Pour the batter into the muffin tin 3/4 full or so.  There might be a little batter left in the bowl.  Bake for 20 minutes or until a tester comes out clean.

Sour Milk Cake

Preheat oven to 375

Sift together:
1 2/3 cups flower
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt

Combine and beat in:
1 cup milk (or 1 cup orange juice)
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla

Once that is incorporated, add
1 tablespoon cider vinegar (1 teaspoon if using the orange juice)

Fill the muffin tins 3/4 full or so.  This should use all the batter.  Bake 20-23 minutes, until tester comes out clean.