I-phone blogging

I bought a keyboard for my i-phone and I'll see how well I do using it.  I left my laptop at home this trip and brought my phone and Kindle.  It is an experiment to see what I use when I travel, and what can be left at home.  Unfortunately, I'll have to add in the pictures later, because I can't figure out how to add them in now.

I'm back in Washington DC for a week of training at FSI.  You can't see it very well from this photo, but just to the right of the plane's wing is the United States Air Force Memorial.  It is hard make out, but it is the silver spot an inch or so to the right of the wing.

Packing for pre-winter travel is much harder than summer weather.  My suitcase is heavier and I have to stick to my wardrobe choices.  I have one extra outfit, but that is it.  So far, I've done pretty well and am happy  with what I brought.

Yesterday after class I went out for an evening walk and dinner with a colleague.  That is a change for me because in the past, I've been on my own.  We walked across the Key Bridge into Georgetown.

The destination was my favorite Turkish restaurant on Wisconsin Avenue, Cafe Divan.  What is super fun for me, is that she is vegan.  For the first time, I don't have the most restrictive diet.  The good thing is that if she can eat it, I can too.  Our meal started with a creamy lentil soup.  We followed that with a meze platter for two: dolma, feta cheese, lentil kofta, hummus, borek, and cucumber slices.  We also had falafel and warm bread.  So tasty.  At the end, I had a cup of tea and we shared an order of baklava.

We walked along M street, window shopping until we reached Dean and Deluca.  The lure of their candy and pastry counter was too much for us to resist...and we did not walk out empty handed.  We stopped in DC Cupcakes and who knew they had a vegan option?  But they did.

I really enjoyed having a debrief of the day with somebody.  Instead of going out by myself, and processing all the information of the day, I was able to go through it and have a conversation about the day.  It was so pleasurable.  And a surprise.

I came back to the hotel room and used face time on the phone to review Selim's homework.  What a treat.  I love this technology that enables me to see my guys while I am away.  I feel much more connected.

Today was another great day of training.  Yesterday I ran into a woman who works at the London Embassy and another woman that I met in ConGen.  Today at lunch, I spotted another woman that I met in ConGen and again in London last summer.  How fun is that, to revisit these connections!  I'm realizing that I'm not alone in a professional sense.  I have made contacts and friendships that do last, even though we don't see each other very often.  It is expansive and gratifying.

After work today we hit up the gift shop at Main State and then walked up 19th street to Dupont Circle.  Bangkok Thai had been recommended and we found it on P street.  It was delicious.  They were flexible with substituting veggies and it was a great meal.

Sew Happy!

I've been sewing like a crazy woman for the past 3 days.  With Heather coming up next weekend, my goal is to have two quilts ready for her to take back to the machine quilting lady in her area.  Considering that last weekend I had two sets of quilt blocks completed and that's it, I have accomplished tons.  I might even make my goal.

Last week I concentrated on sewing Selim's quilt.  When we went to Mom's I brought his squares, the white dragonfly fabric for the boarder, and the lattice and backing fabric for my quilt.  While he was at the Halloween party with Jacob, I cut out his white fabric along with washing and ironing all the yardage for mine.  On Sunday I sewed a few of his blocks together.  By Tuesday, I had finished the top of his quilt.





Saturday, I made up the back.

Saturday afternoon, after I had defrosted the big freezer, I started cutting the lattice strips for my quilt.  I've worked on this quilt off and on since I got back from London in 2011.  I had bought a fat quarter piece of fabric at a fabric/needlework shop in Kew Gardens and that was the color inspiration and center square of each block.  Online, I found a quilt shop in Salt Lake City that carried the pattern and I ordered more.  I've been carrying around the fabric yardage, then all the pieces, followed by the blocks, in this pink storage tub for a long time.  Finally, it is coming together.

As I was about to start sewing the lattice strips on to the blocks, I realized that the blocks were not squared up or uniform in size.  I think the block was supposed to be 8.5 inches square.  For some reason, some of the blocks were over that and others were just over 8 inches.  I trimmed all of them to 8 inches.  It makes the proportions a bit off, but it has paid off in terms of ease of sewing.

Yesterday I didn't dive right back into my project.  I made doughnuts for breakfast.  Yum.  They were so good that Selim and I had a hard time stopping at two each.



We took our weekly pilgrimage to Michael's craft supply.  Selim wanted more colors for his rainbow loom.  He has joined the fad in making rubber bracelets with bands that remind me of the things we had to wear with our braces.  I had forgotten to pick up a dark brown pearl cotton #5 for my needlework project.  Both of us had success and were pleased with our purchases.

In the afternoon, all pretext of chores went out the window as I hunkered down with my blocks and lattice strips.  I took the easy way out for dinner and got tacos on the table in 24 minutes.  Then it was back to sewing.  I stopped when Selim got in the bath.  I was half way through the vertical lattice work.  I had eleven rows of four blocks each, all sewed together.

Today I had off as my compressed day.  I forced myself to don my running gear when I took Selim to the bus.  The temperature had dipped to a record low in the area, and so I had to wear tights.  Sigh.

I ran for 30 minutes and then walked another 15 to cool down.  With the time change, the sun was up higher and felt good on my face.  Having stuck to my exercise routine, I was then free until I had to get Selim in the afternoon.  I had the sports shows on the TV and went back in forth from the living room to the library/sewing room all day.  I finished more than I thought I could.  By 3:15 I had completed all the vertical inside lattice work.  I laid out the eleven strips of eight blocks on the living room floor and smiled.

Color explosion!  I love it.  I still have quite a lot left.  But sewing the continuous horizontal strips plus the boarders should go much more quickly than the previous steps.  Unfortunately, I have to work the rest of the week, find time to grocery shop, finish the laundry, and all the other housey stuff that I often neglect.  But there is a chance that I can hand Heather two bundles this coming weekend.

Happy Halloween / Boston Strong

Happy Halloween.  Most towns celebrate on Halloween on October 31.  However, out town does not. We had our day yesterday.  Here is the recap.

Halloween is not my favorite day.  It never has been.  There are pictures of me when I was little, wearing a costume, crying, and standing next to my beaming sister.  She was in her element and I was not.  Reflecting, what could be worse for an extreme introvert than knocking on strangers' doors and asking for candy.  Nightmare!

When I was pregnant with Selim I was out in California with Heather and we were in a craft store.  I remember a wave of uncertainty and panic washing over me as I realized that I was going to be a parent and responsible for dressing up my child in costume.  I wanted to cry.  I was never going to be as creative and eager for the parades and parties as my older sister.  What I have learned since that afternoon is that I can take Selim to the costume aisle in a big box store and he can debate the merits of Superman versus Iron man or a ninja versus a pirate.  He is happy to pick one and for less than $20.  He gets what he wants and I get to not worry about how to make a costume for him.  That is money well spent, in my opinion.

And because he wanted to have a wide selection to choose from, we got his costume at the end of September.  During the week prior, the school had a "pirate day."  It was a hit and he decided that he would be a pirate.

Yesterday morning as he was getting ready for school he asked me if I was going to school to be at the parade and join the party in his classroom.  I just looked at him, forgetting that the festivities at school would be the same day that the town trick or treats.  I hadn't checked my email in a few days and I had missed the call for treats and the afternoon school schedule.  Mommy fail.  Good thing I had already put in a leave slip for the first half of my shift.  Before he got on the bus I told him that I would be at the parade and that I would check my email to find out when I should show up.

The classroom party was at 1:30 and the parade at 2:00.  I walked into the classroom just as they were gathering for their group photo.  Perfect timing.  Mom was with me and we were able to hang out while the kids ate their treats and got ready for the parade.  Some of the costumes were very elaborate.  It was fun to see them all dressed up.

In the evening, before Selim went candy gathering, I made him pose for pictures.  He is getting less and less eager to be in front of the camera.  He was patient with me, even though he really wanted to get outside and get the action started.

The other big event of the day was Game 6 of the Wold Series.  Boston was up three games to two against the St. Louis Cardinals.  I don't know why I didn't take the whole dang day off so that I could watch the game, but I didn't.  So I went to work at 8:00, just as the game was starting.  Every now and then I would walk past the break room to see the score.  I missed the Sox getting six runs.  Around 11:00, it was the bottom of the eighth inning and many of us started gathering in front of the TV in the lunch room.  At the top of the ninth, the room started filling up.  We clapped at the first out and more people came in.  After the second, people started whooping it up and more people came in the room. When Uehara got the final out, the room was full and we were all screaming and clapping.

That was so different from the final out of the World Series in 2004.  That year it was Red Sox versus Cardinals as well.  Mom and I were at David's House in Hanover.  Selim was in the NICU.  I was asleep on the couch in the living room.  The house was quiet.  Mom woke me up at the top of the ninth inning, knowing that I would want to see the end of the game.  The Red Sox hadn't won a World Series since 1918 and history was about to me made.  Boston did win and I remember dragging myself to the bedroom and falling right back to sleep.  I have always associated Boston's win with Selim's improving; those two events are intertwined in my mind.

For Boston, this series was all about "Boston Strong."  It was just this April that the two homemade bombs went off at the finish line of the Boston Marathon.  Who will forget Big Papi's address over the PA system a few days later that had a few expletives sprinkled in.  The city, the team, was an unbreakable unit.  I think it was Victorino, who closed his post-game interview with "Boston Strong!" And that is what brought tears to my eyes.

Last night, instead of watching and cheering in virtual silence, I was among my colleagues, whooping it up.  It was festive, fun, and satisfying.  Hopefully, all the Sox players on on their way to a barber shop today to shave off their hideous beards.  I understand rally caps and playoff bears, but the facial hair on those players was over the top and so icky.  The parade is scheduled for Saturday.  Wouldn't it be fun if they had clean faces by then?

#9

Happy birthday to my dearest, sweetest, Turkish warrior boy!!! You are the light of my life, the joy of my heart and the one thing in life that I feel I have done right.  I am so grateful that you joined me here on earth.  Your presence makes my time here so much richer, brighter, and more lively!

May you continue to smile, grow, learn, run, play, study, observe, swim, bike, laugh, tease, snuggle, hug, read, listen, help, and be curious (among other things) for many, many more years to come.

I love you with all my heart.

Happy Birthday!

Love,
Mom

Dear Bebek

Dear Bebek,

It is the 10th anniversary of loosing you and I am writing my yearly check-in letter to you.  I'm not sure where your soul is right now, but I am certain that you are under the Master's protection.

I don't have much to say.  But here is a recap of our weekend.  Nedim, Selim, and I went to the Ashram on Saturday afternoon.  For Nedim and I, it was out 10th year wedding anniversary.  When we first got there, I made him go take pictures in front of the Satsang Hall, where we got married.  There was a retreat going on, so we couldn't go inside.  Combined with some pictures that we took in the morning, we managed a couple of cute ones for our special day.

We let Selim have some grandparent time while we went out for a quiet dinner.  We ate at the Common Man in Ashland and stuffed ourselves.  The meat special on the menu was right up Nedim's alley -- rack of lamb on a bed of cous cous with olives, tomatoes and feta cheese.  I got the  mac and cheese, minus the lobster, and butternut squash.  The meal was delicious and it was very sweet to be out with him, just the two of us.  We haven't incorporated a date night into our routine, and we probably should.

The Satsang on Sunday was the last devoted to the 50th anniversary of the founding of the Ashram.  Russell read an account of a woman who had seen Master Kirpal the morning that he left the Ashram in 1963.  She was 12 at the time and had been out driving with her father.  But the story was crazy.  They had been in Hudson, NH -- over an hour away and somehow managed to be on Osgood Rd when the caravan of cars leaving the Ashram were driving down the road.  Really?  How is that possible?  As her car passed, Master Kirpal folded his hands together and nodded to her father.  She scooted over to the left side of the backseat and also had a chance to look into the eyes of Kirpal.  They didn't know who he was, or anything about Sant Bani.  They saw the Sant Bani sign and being devout Catholics, wondered if it was a home for boys following St. Bonaventure.  As the years went by, they would sometimes talk about the man with the white beard and white turban that they had seen that day.  Her father passed away in 1980 something and a few years later she came across Sant Ji and discovered who that man had been.

The Masters work in mysterious ways.  Looking back on decisions I have made...relationships that didn't work out and seemed so tragic at the time...roads that I took or didn't...I know that there is a reason why you didn't stay in my life.  I don't know what it is, but I do feel that it happened for a reason. There is protection in there, somewhere.

I still think about you, the flicker of the heart beat that I saw on the ultrasound that made you so real to me.  When I was out running this morning, I tried to be consciously grateful for all that is in my life and for the lessons I have learned.  One thing that your loss taught me was that I was stronger than I gave myself credit for.  All I ever wanted to be was a mother.  When I got pregnant with you, it was the fulfillment of all my dreams.  Finally, I felt that I was going to be what I felt was my destiny.  I couldn't believe my good fortune.  So to lose you those weeks later -- it took all that I had to get up from the bathroom floor and carry on.  But I did.  And I continue, even though the blow still can hurt, 10 years later.

Back to my run this morning (it is silly to write about it, but I want to document that I had this success); I'm back at it after taking most of the year off after a successful 2012 campaign.  I am four weeks into a program and today I ran for 12 minutes then walked for 1 minute repeated 4 times for a total of 52 minutes.  I ran down Osgood Rd, to Weeks Road, made a u-turn at the golf course and ran down the dump road.  I took a right at Bennett's Ferry Road and at the end, took a left a the fork and started back up Osgood Road.  At the end of 52 minutes, I was at the Olson's driveway and I had to walk the rest of the way to the Ashram.  I mapped it out and the run/walk distance was close to 4 miles and in total, about 4.75.  Not too shabby.  I'm not setting any speed records, but I am getting back out there and testing the limits of my lungs.

We went out to Amy and Jero's lake house for lunch.  What a gift!  Eating out on their deck, in the sun, talking about the Ashram and enjoying our friendship.  It was a great send off for the end of the weekend.  I think feel the warmth of the sun and the friendship in my body tonight.  I am so grateful for the opportunities to get away from regular day to day chores and have these hours of play, good food, and remembrance of the Master.

So Bebek, I don't have any real news for you.  In some ways, it has been a bit of a rough year.  But I feel like I'm pulling out of a funk and feel more hopeful.  Life goes on.  I marvel at the beautiful, miracle boy that I do have in my life.  He turns 9 in three days.  I am so lucky for all the family that I have and the people that love me.  Wherever your soul is, I know that you are the recipient of His Grace and Protection just like we are.

Until next year, my little flicker of light that was not meant to be...I love you and am thankful for you because you started my life on this chapter.  Without you, I would not have Selim.

Love,
Mom

Prolonging summer

I woke up determined not to sleep my day away.  It seems like the weekends have passed me by as I have been unable to rouse myself until noon.  I've felt exhausted and unable to muster any energy to do anything.  Today was different.

By 8:30 I was up and packing our beach bag with towels, changes of clothes and snacks.  I did not give in to Selim's desire for a lazy morning.  I was pulling out of the driveway at 9:01, headed for the beach.  After two quick stops, we were parking along Route 1A, the closest spot to the access street as one could be.  At first Selim did not want to go in the water.  He was content to rest on a towel, play around in the sand, or skip along the edge of the waves.

Despite the huge sign saying no feeding the seagulls, some lady brought a huge bag of bread and disregarded the notice.  It was a bit creepy as the number of seagulls zoomed in and fought over the scraps.  After the lady went away, I did take a few pictures because I liked their reflections on the wet sand.

The air temperature warmed up pretty quickly and the ocean became more enticing.  The water wasn't too cold; it felt warmer than a few weeks ago.  We were able to stay in for an hour at a time before resting on our towels, eating snacks and getting warmed up.  Selim has gotten so comfortable in the water.  I love it.  He rode the waves, ducked under those that were about to crash right over his head, and pretended he was a beaver, smacking his board against the water to get my attention.

We had the best day.  The two of us were in sync and spent the time happily together.  I can't get over how much fun we had.

I took a couple of pictures with my camera phone.  I managed to download them this afternoon.  Using the instragram filter/application, this one turned out pretty neat.

On the drive home, as we passed by Rye Harbor, we noticed these people on their boards sitting cross legged in what looked like to be a meditative pose.  I did a u-turn and when I got back to the spot, it turns out that it was a yoga class on surf or paddle boards.  How cool is that?