Yesterday morning I was sitting in one of the conference rooms at the hotel in Baltimore, listening to the President of the Graduate School talk about how sometimes you don't have a lot of time to make a decision. That is when real leaders shine. After his words of congratulations, I received my plaque and certificate for the completion of the Executive Leadership Program. Then I went up to my room to change out of my suit into travel clothes and check out of the hotel. I had left my cell phone in the room because it never rings and why carry it?
As I'm packing I glance at my phone and see that I have 1 new message, "Hello Bethany. I realize that this is short notice, but a vacancy has opened up at the Foreign Service Institute and we would like you to be there to start the ConGen class on Monday. That is right, this Monday."
My heart sank. I had been away from the family for a week already. There was no way that my husband would agree for another 6 weeks as sole parent on duty. But I called anyway and he displayed a level of selflessness that I would have a hard time reciprocating. He told me to go for it. He would be fine, and Selim would be fine. His generosity shouldn't have surprised me, but it humbled me and reminded me that I married a man who loves me and supports my career.
I got in the taxi to the airport, called the man back and said I would do it. I called my office and said the same and they got my travel orders started. Then I cried. And cried. And cried. The thought of six weeks of separation was too much for me to handle. The high of graduation was fading into a wave of sadness and impending loneliness. I got to the airport and checked in with nose running and eyes leaking. I cried as I called my sister to tell the the good, yet overwhelming news. I cried on the plane. I cried more on the bus from Boston to Portsmouth, making an already uncomfortable ride even more so, since the bus had lost the AC and it was 86 degrees inside before we had even gotten on 95.
I didn't want to make the decision out of fear. Fear that Selim would not be able to handle more weeks apart; that I would not be able to go on without the physical affection of my family and the support I get from them just by looking at their beautiful faces; that my husband might resent me for all this travel and putting my focus on my career instead of family. I have tried to think that this will be the foundation for adventures abroad for us in years to come. I am trying to put my trust in my Master that I have made the right decision and that my family will not suffer for my ambition. It isn't easy for me.
So tomorrow I will do the laundry mountain, grocery shopping and repacking. I will have to say goodbye again. I look forward to taking steps towards my dream of working abroad. At the same time, I am anticipating that the parting will test my resolve.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Unexpected Complement
Anybody who has known me since childhood knows that I have struggled with the English language. I don't know if it stems from the move when I was in third grade from Laguna Beach, CA to Sanbornton, NH -- and I changed schools and methods of teaching. But my early years were fraught with the struggle to spell, read, and make any sense out of my native language. When I had to write a paper for English class, I would sit at the dining room table and cry.
It wasn't until my high school years when I studied Spanish that I discovered that the written word could be beautiful. In Spanish I found a language that I could sound out and spell the words. Reading became a joy for the first time. I understood why people talked about constructing a beautiful sentence. In college I was able to make the transition and start appreciating English for the first time. I still struggle with spelling, but writing has gotten easier over the years. I no longer cry before starting any writing assignment. Progress.
So last night I'm sitting at a table in the Sheraton hotel conference room with my group of the Executive Leadership Program. It is the opening session for our graduation week. Our coordinator has asked the people who turned in their assignments early, those who did more than the requirements, those who lost weight, got promoted or changed jobs to all stand up and get recognized. Then she asked me to stand. In front of the whole group she said that she appreciated my program impact paper, that I was a wonderful writer and that my paper was one of the best she has ever read. Excuse me? Do you have the right person? For real? I was floored. Giddy. When I got back to my room I couldn't stop laughing. I have come full circle from the little girl who got 24 out of 25 words wrong on her first spelling test and was afraid to commit words to paper for not knowing how to write them -- to getting recognized in front of 160 of my peers for having the best paper. Go figure.
Oh my, the Bruins just scored 2 goals in less than a minute. It is game 6, a win or go home game for them in the Stanley Cup Finals. Vancouver looks shell shocked. Go Boston!
OK. Back to the writing thing. I have a self-inflicted inferiority complex that I have been working on. Both my siblings are published authors. They are brilliant and amazing. Their writings are intellectual and inspirational. I think of myself as a practical and less complex thinker. I don't mean to sell myself short, but I'm aware that I have not developed the gift of painting with words, putting form to ideas, and constructing complex plots that they have. I have a notebook of writings from when Selim was in the hospital that I would love to turn into a book but I have not put in the time to get it ready to send off to anybody to look at. I also have this vision of a book that incorporates pictures of sacred buildings with text from the major religions. A coffee table/meditation book that would be a compilation of inspirational writings to be paired with beautiful architecture. May be this recognition will be the shot of confidence I need to actually pursue my visions.
The Bruins just scored again. They are up 3 nothing, with 11 minutes to go in the first period. Last night Dallas won the NBA finals, beating the Miami Heat in 6 games. I was rooting for Dirk and the Mavs. LaBron can wait another year before he gets his first ring, as far as I am concerned.
I am looking forward to the graduation from this program. I have gotten a great deal out of these past nine months. I hope I am coming out of it with a greater sense of myself and my ability to lead, listen, and learn.
It wasn't until my high school years when I studied Spanish that I discovered that the written word could be beautiful. In Spanish I found a language that I could sound out and spell the words. Reading became a joy for the first time. I understood why people talked about constructing a beautiful sentence. In college I was able to make the transition and start appreciating English for the first time. I still struggle with spelling, but writing has gotten easier over the years. I no longer cry before starting any writing assignment. Progress.
So last night I'm sitting at a table in the Sheraton hotel conference room with my group of the Executive Leadership Program. It is the opening session for our graduation week. Our coordinator has asked the people who turned in their assignments early, those who did more than the requirements, those who lost weight, got promoted or changed jobs to all stand up and get recognized. Then she asked me to stand. In front of the whole group she said that she appreciated my program impact paper, that I was a wonderful writer and that my paper was one of the best she has ever read. Excuse me? Do you have the right person? For real? I was floored. Giddy. When I got back to my room I couldn't stop laughing. I have come full circle from the little girl who got 24 out of 25 words wrong on her first spelling test and was afraid to commit words to paper for not knowing how to write them -- to getting recognized in front of 160 of my peers for having the best paper. Go figure.
Oh my, the Bruins just scored 2 goals in less than a minute. It is game 6, a win or go home game for them in the Stanley Cup Finals. Vancouver looks shell shocked. Go Boston!
OK. Back to the writing thing. I have a self-inflicted inferiority complex that I have been working on. Both my siblings are published authors. They are brilliant and amazing. Their writings are intellectual and inspirational. I think of myself as a practical and less complex thinker. I don't mean to sell myself short, but I'm aware that I have not developed the gift of painting with words, putting form to ideas, and constructing complex plots that they have. I have a notebook of writings from when Selim was in the hospital that I would love to turn into a book but I have not put in the time to get it ready to send off to anybody to look at. I also have this vision of a book that incorporates pictures of sacred buildings with text from the major religions. A coffee table/meditation book that would be a compilation of inspirational writings to be paired with beautiful architecture. May be this recognition will be the shot of confidence I need to actually pursue my visions.
The Bruins just scored again. They are up 3 nothing, with 11 minutes to go in the first period. Last night Dallas won the NBA finals, beating the Miami Heat in 6 games. I was rooting for Dirk and the Mavs. LaBron can wait another year before he gets his first ring, as far as I am concerned.
I am looking forward to the graduation from this program. I have gotten a great deal out of these past nine months. I hope I am coming out of it with a greater sense of myself and my ability to lead, listen, and learn.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mother's Day
Selim woke up before 6:00am so eager to give me my card and gift. Who was I to delay? He gave me the sweetest card and a book he had made at school. Miss Cindy had wrapped the present, but Selim made the wrapping paper. The book was all the reasons he loves me and some interesting descriptions. My Mom is 49. Excuse me? I have a little ways to go before I get there. He was so cute, he said that Miss Cindy told him to just guess. I love the book. I just have to designate a special place to keep all the books he has written.
Nedim helped me with the garden this morning as my gift. We put in 4 raised beds; mulched around them plus the raspberries and blueberries. I transplanted the chard, bib and romaine lettuces into the beds. And I planted some lettuce seeds in case the transplanted seedlings don't do very well. I am so happy with the beds. They aren't really straight or totally level, but they will do what I want and that is to turn unusable space into small garden patches. I have tried planting things there the past few years and nothing has grown. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can have carrots this year in the back beds.
We worked for close to 3 1/2 hours this morning. My fingernails are dirty and I have scrapes on my arms and legs, but I am so happy to have gotten this much accomplished.
Now it is on to the chores -- laundry and some basic housecleaning. I've changed the sheets and started the first load. Selim wants to go for a bike ride, so I may just go do that instead. I don't think I will be going in to work today. Even though I really want the OT cash, I need a break more. I worked both days last weekend, putting in 12 straight days. That is just silly. With receipts down this year, I have a feeling that OT won't be offered for much longer and I do want to take advantage while I can.
Nedim helped me with the garden this morning as my gift. We put in 4 raised beds; mulched around them plus the raspberries and blueberries. I transplanted the chard, bib and romaine lettuces into the beds. And I planted some lettuce seeds in case the transplanted seedlings don't do very well. I am so happy with the beds. They aren't really straight or totally level, but they will do what I want and that is to turn unusable space into small garden patches. I have tried planting things there the past few years and nothing has grown. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can have carrots this year in the back beds.
Now it is on to the chores -- laundry and some basic housecleaning. I've changed the sheets and started the first load. Selim wants to go for a bike ride, so I may just go do that instead. I don't think I will be going in to work today. Even though I really want the OT cash, I need a break more. I worked both days last weekend, putting in 12 straight days. That is just silly. With receipts down this year, I have a feeling that OT won't be offered for much longer and I do want to take advantage while I can.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Ten years later
Hard to believe that Osama Bin Laden was found and killed. He had been living in a compound outside on Islamabad in Pakistan. The Washington Post has this report. All of the news outlets have been having non-stop coverage.
I was asleep last night when the news broke. On my drive to work, I was listening to ESPN radio and only got the basketball and baseball scores. That should teach me to check in with NPR first. Although at 4:30 it is usually an arts program from the BBC.
In other news, Nedim got the boat in the water this weekend. I have such a love/hate relationship with that water craft. The expression sports widow doesn't apply to me, but boat widow does. It is a total guy domain and I can't stand it. It is a money pit and that drives me crazy as well. Since I have such an attitude about it, I can understand why Nedim doesn't appear to want me to spend time with him on the boat, and that just makes me even more mad. If I lightened up about it, he might encourage me to hang out with him more often. We'll see.
Selim received his orange belt in karate last week. I love watching him grow in his discipline and enthusiasm. He is very proud of his accomplishment and so am I. When he turns seven in October he will graduate to the big kid/adult class and I can't wait for that. He will do better watching the bigger kids and their ability to concentrate.
I have a feeling that the summer season of overtime will be coming to an end soon. I worked both Saturday and Sunday this weekend, trying to make a bit extra to put away for our possible trip to Istanbul this summer. I really hope we all get to go.
I was asleep last night when the news broke. On my drive to work, I was listening to ESPN radio and only got the basketball and baseball scores. That should teach me to check in with NPR first. Although at 4:30 it is usually an arts program from the BBC.
In other news, Nedim got the boat in the water this weekend. I have such a love/hate relationship with that water craft. The expression sports widow doesn't apply to me, but boat widow does. It is a total guy domain and I can't stand it. It is a money pit and that drives me crazy as well. Since I have such an attitude about it, I can understand why Nedim doesn't appear to want me to spend time with him on the boat, and that just makes me even more mad. If I lightened up about it, he might encourage me to hang out with him more often. We'll see.
Selim received his orange belt in karate last week. I love watching him grow in his discipline and enthusiasm. He is very proud of his accomplishment and so am I. When he turns seven in October he will graduate to the big kid/adult class and I can't wait for that. He will do better watching the bigger kids and their ability to concentrate.
I have a feeling that the summer season of overtime will be coming to an end soon. I worked both Saturday and Sunday this weekend, trying to make a bit extra to put away for our possible trip to Istanbul this summer. I really hope we all get to go.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Counting down to midnight
At least there is a chance that we will get paid even if there is a furlough. According to the Federal Times, BHO said that he thinks government workers should get paid even if there is a shut down, see full story here. That eases my mind. And I know that I will report to work on Monday and pick up my furlough notice if a budget agreement has not been reached.
The amount of time that the senior executives have spend over the past two weeks preparing for the shut down could have been put to much better use. Their time could have been spent much more productively tackling regular business. What a shame that our country's interests were put on hold while the executives were trying to make up essential personnel lists. The whole thing is a waste -- of time, resources, good will, and energy.
At least I can look forward to warm spring weather while we have a family yard work weekend.
The amount of time that the senior executives have spend over the past two weeks preparing for the shut down could have been put to much better use. Their time could have been spent much more productively tackling regular business. What a shame that our country's interests were put on hold while the executives were trying to make up essential personnel lists. The whole thing is a waste -- of time, resources, good will, and energy.
At least I can look forward to warm spring weather while we have a family yard work weekend.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Tomorrow midnight
The leaders of our government have until tomorrow at midnight to pass the budget or we go into a shutdown. I'm mad at all sides -- the Republican's for not standing up to their Tea Party wing and for continually moving the goal posts of spending cuts. I'm mad at the Democrats for not dealing with this last year when they controlled both sides and it was their job to pass the budget before October 1 and they didn't. I'm disappointed in BHO for not getting off his lofty perch earlier and start fighting for his work force. I'm equal opportunity irritated.
I'm sorry, but government does matter. We have a system that is envied by so much of the world. It is envied because it is participatory; based on secular laws; divided into branches so that one aspect of it can't get so egotistical that it swallows up the others. It takes people to run that very government, to provide the services that its citizens need, want, and expect. Critics say that they want to shut the government down as if it was just a building and they are going to lock the doors. But it is real live people who make up the government who rely on the income to feed their families and keep this economy going. I may be non-essential, but try leaving the country and then re-entering without the service I provide. Good luck with that. Would the critics rather add 800,000 to the ranks of the unemployed tomorrow?
In the news the other night was the fact that the company that was part of the issue of the Deep Horizon oil spill of last year is providing safety bonuses for their executives. Excuse me? And in one of the proposed budgets is a five year pay freeze for me because I need to share in the sacrifice. Show me the executives who are sacrificing? I don't see any.
And then don't get me started about Trump continuing the nonsense that our president was not born in the US. Do you think that the other Democrats would have let him contest in the primaries if he hadn't been born in Hawaii? Get over it already. That's my rant for the night.
I have gotten to write this because my lovey-lamb is at the park with our neighbor and my hubby is at a town meeting to discuss the road improvements in our area. I cleaned up from our delicious dinner (bean and rice soup, Turkish fried bread stuffed with mashed potatoes and feta cheese, cucumber slices and hummus) and plopped myself on the couch to watch the news, followed by golf.
I love watching golf. But I am so not into the reverence that is Augusta National. I appreciate the beauty of the course, the history of the tournament. However, you're not going to get me to wax poetically about a place that still won't have women as full members. Hello? What century are we living in?
Clearly I need to get out into the garden and do a little weed therapy. I need to start pulling out the dead stuff from last fall and getting ready to plant next month. I worked with Mom out there today for the first time. I came home from work and she was raking the back lawn. I got into raking the herb boarder and uncovered chives and lemon balm green shutes. I hope I can move the pea fence this weekend and plant peas where I had the dill last year.
OK. Selim is back. Time for batch and bed.
I'm sorry, but government does matter. We have a system that is envied by so much of the world. It is envied because it is participatory; based on secular laws; divided into branches so that one aspect of it can't get so egotistical that it swallows up the others. It takes people to run that very government, to provide the services that its citizens need, want, and expect. Critics say that they want to shut the government down as if it was just a building and they are going to lock the doors. But it is real live people who make up the government who rely on the income to feed their families and keep this economy going. I may be non-essential, but try leaving the country and then re-entering without the service I provide. Good luck with that. Would the critics rather add 800,000 to the ranks of the unemployed tomorrow?
In the news the other night was the fact that the company that was part of the issue of the Deep Horizon oil spill of last year is providing safety bonuses for their executives. Excuse me? And in one of the proposed budgets is a five year pay freeze for me because I need to share in the sacrifice. Show me the executives who are sacrificing? I don't see any.
And then don't get me started about Trump continuing the nonsense that our president was not born in the US. Do you think that the other Democrats would have let him contest in the primaries if he hadn't been born in Hawaii? Get over it already. That's my rant for the night.
I have gotten to write this because my lovey-lamb is at the park with our neighbor and my hubby is at a town meeting to discuss the road improvements in our area. I cleaned up from our delicious dinner (bean and rice soup, Turkish fried bread stuffed with mashed potatoes and feta cheese, cucumber slices and hummus) and plopped myself on the couch to watch the news, followed by golf.
I love watching golf. But I am so not into the reverence that is Augusta National. I appreciate the beauty of the course, the history of the tournament. However, you're not going to get me to wax poetically about a place that still won't have women as full members. Hello? What century are we living in?
Clearly I need to get out into the garden and do a little weed therapy. I need to start pulling out the dead stuff from last fall and getting ready to plant next month. I worked with Mom out there today for the first time. I came home from work and she was raking the back lawn. I got into raking the herb boarder and uncovered chives and lemon balm green shutes. I hope I can move the pea fence this weekend and plant peas where I had the dill last year.
OK. Selim is back. Time for batch and bed.
Friday, April 1, 2011
April Fools
We did indeed get 5" of snow last night and through this morning. The office was quiet. I was there with another TDYer and our Regional Director. That was it. I'm glad I went into the office even though at 4:30 I really wanted to turn off the alarm and get back under the covers.
I've been thinking about Grammy B ever since we heard on Wednesday that she is in the hospital. At 93 she is still a remarkable woman. Twenty years ago I started watching golf on TV so that we would have something in common. She liked Greg Norman and I chose Fred Couples to follow. When Freddie (her nickname) won, she would send me the newspaper clipping of his victory. She also kept record of Greg's wins. At one point before she moved, she threw out her folder of clippings because she didn't want anybody to find it and think she was a stalker. As if...She is in the hospital because she has been falling a lot. But she didn't want to be a bother anyone in the living facility so she didn't tell a nurse. The other night she fell and wasn't found for hours. When Mom spoke with her yesterday she said it has been "rough." She never complains, even when she is entitled. I have always known that I can learn a great deal from her example.
So right now I'm sitting on my bed watching the Shell Houston Open in honor of Grammy. Freddie just made a birdie and I'm sure if she knew, she would smile.
I've been thinking about Grammy B ever since we heard on Wednesday that she is in the hospital. At 93 she is still a remarkable woman. Twenty years ago I started watching golf on TV so that we would have something in common. She liked Greg Norman and I chose Fred Couples to follow. When Freddie (her nickname) won, she would send me the newspaper clipping of his victory. She also kept record of Greg's wins. At one point before she moved, she threw out her folder of clippings because she didn't want anybody to find it and think she was a stalker. As if...She is in the hospital because she has been falling a lot. But she didn't want to be a bother anyone in the living facility so she didn't tell a nurse. The other night she fell and wasn't found for hours. When Mom spoke with her yesterday she said it has been "rough." She never complains, even when she is entitled. I have always known that I can learn a great deal from her example.
So right now I'm sitting on my bed watching the Shell Houston Open in honor of Grammy. Freddie just made a birdie and I'm sure if she knew, she would smile.
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