For years I kept journals -- in composition, spiral bound, and French graph paper books. This blog is an attempt to get back to writing and documenting the world around me using photos, newspaper headlines, and other articles.

Sunday, April 5, 2015


My Lovey Lamb and I spent a much needed weekend at the Ashram.  Heather and JT had driven up on Wednesday, so they had a head start on us.

Yesterday, the adults hid eggs outside and our two boys plus one, braved the gusty north wind to hunt.  Some eggs were more visible than others.

This morning, I took the boys downstairs to the classroom and we hid the eggs for Mom and Robert.  Again, some were able to blend in with the science stuff and presented more of a challenge than others.

This weekend felt like a tonic to what has been such a difficult past six weeks to two months or so. Most of it isn't my story to tell, but I've been affected by it none the less -- so much so that good sleep can be illusive for days at a time.  When I manage to relax enough to let my mind stop and I've drifted off --I've woken up from dreams, my pillows twisted in knots, hands clenched, and screaming in rage.  Going back to sleep after one of those episodes is difficult. I've been so heart sick that the pressure on my chest has manifested in the physical sensation where I find it difficult to breathe.   Being tired on top of the stress of the situation is not an optimum condition for me. Life has not been easy.

I'm trying to model my Mom's behavior.  When I have been in turmoil, her response has been, "I love you.  I support you -- whatever you decide.  And how can I help you?  Is there anything I can do to make it better for you?"  Now that the tables are turned,  I'm trying not to press my own agenda and feelings onto the situation, but be supportive of the decisions that Mom and Robert make.  I love them. I've tried my best to accept the way forward that they have taken.  I have listened, gave my thoughts when asked, and will be on their team to do whatever I can to alleviate any burned that I am able. They have taken the high road and have been mature, dignified, and remained true to their hearts and faith.  I've been schooled in the right way to react to adversity.  I am humbled.

On that front, I'm hopeful that we turned a corner at the end of this week and that progress has been made to resolve some difficult aspects of all this.  And maybe tomorrow we will get more positive news if one of my colleagues can return on a part-time basis.

And at some point, spring has got to come and make it more pleasant to get out and walk and eventually get back to running.  Since I've been hunkered indoors, I've chosen sewing and baking to soothe and relax and get me through these bad weeks.  I've made quite a bit of progress on my Birdbaths at Sunset quilt and have kept our family in home made bread for at least a month.  I guess some good has come out of this trying time.

Seagull centers

Pink pattern centers

Large shell centers

Close to finished, under 25 squares left to sew

Different camera, from a bit higher up

Moving bread dough to the sunny spots.

In the spirit of Easter, I need to be strong in my faith and trust that with His grace and mercy, this painful episode and transition to a new phase will work out to my/our ultimate spiritual benefit.  But man, trying to remain content in His will is a struggle.

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