For years I kept journals -- in composition, spiral bound, and French graph paper books. This blog is an attempt to get back to writing and documenting the world around me using photos, newspaper headlines, and other articles.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

33.23

I started my run this morning with the intention of running as fast as I could for the full three miles.  Having been so close to a personal best on Monday, I wanted to know if I pushed myself, how quickly could I run my loop.  I knew I was going at a good clip when I passed the cemetery in under 20:00.  Chugging up East Watson I was conscious of trying not to slow down too much as the incline grade spread out before me.  The road was slick from a light drizzle this morning and as I was extending my stride on the downhill on Stark, I was concentrating on not slipping.  By the time I turned the corner on Hawthorne, I my face was hot, lungs felt like they were working at maximum capacity, my nose was running and I felt like I was breathing and exhaling really loudly.  I pushed the stop button on my watch at the driveway, looked down and saw this:



Woot!  Yeah baby! 

I know to real runners, my time is laughable.  But I've decided not to be embarrassed about it and to celebrate my victory.  I shaved 1 minute and 38 seconds off my personal best time of 35.01 from back on May 6.  Reflecting on my running journey that begun on February 13 I need to remember that I was unable to run 1 mile without stopping and walking.  It took me 19 minutes to walk, run 1.2 miles or 2 times around the big neighborhood block that first day.  The first time I ran/walked 3 miles on April 3, I took 39.19 in doing so.  And today, I covered the same distance six minutes faster.  I've gone from 13+ minute miles to just over 11 minutes per mile. I'm happy with that improvement.

I just might turn into a runner yet. 



Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Yesterday we celebrated 20 years of operations at work.  To kick off the festivities, we worked in partnership with US Citizen and Immigration Services to have a Naturalization Ceremony in front of our building.  Nineteen people took the oath, pledged allegiance and became citizens.  They had come from Brazil, Cameroon, Canada, China, Dominican Republic, Ecuador, Greece, India, Indonesia, Philippians, Poland, Russia, Sweden, United Kingdom and Vietnam.  I find the whole ceremony moving -- from the opening National Anthem, to the reading of the countries to the final song and flag waving. 

The keynote speaker for the event was Under Secretary for Management, Patrick Kennedy.  He gave a lovely talk to the new citizens.  And he stressed the importance of involvement in all phases of their new home, from their neighborhoods, and schools, to civic engagement and the responsibility of the vote.  He spoke about the inspiration that the later generations will take from their stories of how they came to this country.

I sat there and thought about my husband.  I know parts of his story -- how he started to travel the world by welding on cargo ships, going port to port.  I know about his first phone call home after he docked in Portsmouth.  There are still parts of his past that I don't comprehend fully.  You know, why his parents let him leave home and go on a ship at the age of 15, for example.  But I admire his determination, courage, strength, and tenacity.  Selim has of the same characteristics as his father.  I hope that we can return to Turkey on a more frequent basis so that Selim can learn and understand half of his heritage in a more meaningful way.

When Nedim and I are teasing each other because we don't understand something, he will say to me, "What, you don't get it?  You have a masters degree and they didn't teach you this?"  To which I will reply, "You have been through the Panama Canal three times and travelled the world on a ship and still you can't figure it out?"  Not very mature of either of us, I know.

Lastly, during the ceremony yesterday I was also thinking about the complicated world we live in.  I'm trying so hard not to get all riled up by all the one liner zingers that people are throwing around out there in the social media universe.  Politics isn't a one liner.  Foreign policy isn't made with finger pointing, gotcha moments.  The choices we are faced with are not always black and white.  I hope that the nineteen new citizens will embrace the best that our democracy has to offer and help elevate the discourse.  I'm sure that a few of them could teach us a lot about the absence of real freedom and true democracy and what that is like to live with.  If we better understood how fortunate we are with our system, we might treat it with more respect.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Snap shot

If you were at our house today around noon, this is what it would have looked like.  All the beds had fresh flannel sheets.  The living room floor was vacuumed.  I had bread rising in the warmest place in the house, a sun spot by the front door,



laundry hanging on the line,



cornbread on the oven, cooling,



and I had just made my sandwich with garden tomato, avocado, baked tofu and nutritional yeast.  Yum.



I switched compressed days this week since there is a mandatory monthly management staff meeting tomorrow.  I like having one free day every other week.  It was especially nice today because I didn't get any chores done yesterday.  I didn't feel well and I used up my energy dealing with the apples Selim and I had picked Saturday.

Speaking of Saturday, when we went to karate, Selim got his green belt before class began.  Mr. Hebert had put on my stripe after Thursday's class.  There was a big race at Gunstock that many people were participating in, so class was small. 







After class, I suggested to Selim that we go apple picking.  It took him about four hours to agree, but he did around 2:00.  It was a gorgeous afternoon -- bright sun, light breeze, and little humidity.  A perfect day for apple picking.  We weren't the only ones with that idea.  Butternut Farm was packed.  People were parking on the side of the road and in the front lawn of the big yellow house.  For an instant I worried that there wouldn't be any apples for us.  Right.  Silly.  We picked about 25-30 pounds.  






So now the challenge is to use the apples and store them in such a way so that they don't rot.  Yesterday I made a batch of spiced applesauce and a pie. 



That made a dent, but I've still got the two big bags partially full.  I saw a recipe for apple cheddar scones that I will make on Wednesday, for when mom comes over.  That will use two...

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Somber hours

Yesterday was the 11th anniversary of September 11.  I had so many thoughts driving into work in the morning.  It was a beautiful day -- blue skies, low humidity, bright sun -- just like 11 years ago.  I had training in the old building, so I passed by the photos of our President, Vice-President and Madam Secretary in the lobby.  I sat down at the table and the shortly thereafter, a woman got on the intercom and asked for a moment of silence.  I was so grateful for that moment to sit still, quiet my racing thoughts and simply remember. 

I've been thinking about this anniversary a lot in the past week or so.  Recently, I was auditing work and picked up an application that had a death certificate.  The cause of death was "complications from pregnancy."  The applicant's mother had died hours after giving birth.  I had never seen that cause of death before and it made me so sad and at the same time, so grateful for my own life.  And that made me remember the first death certificate I ever saw for a fire fighter who had died in the World Trade Center.  I was in my first two weeks out of the National Training Program.  I sat with all the other newbies in the conference room at long tables, rather than desks, with our training materials in boxes at our feet and big sheets of paper with reminders taped to the walls.  I took the application out of the batch, sorted the documents and realized that I had a death certificate. From NY.  Date of death September 11, 2001.  I started to shake.  Usual occupation, fire fighter.  Deep breath.  Cause of death, collapse of Tower 1.  Five years later, and I still remember that piece of paper.

Then today I wake up to the news that our Ambassador to Libya, Chris Smith and three others died in the Consulate in Benghazi yesterday.  The State Department confirmed the death of Foreign Service Officer Sean Smith, but did not give the names of the other two, pending family notification.  The statement can be found here in its entirety.

Obviously, I don't know the Ambassador, nor any of the people serving in Libya.  I met officers last summer while I was in DC who had been evacuated from Libya but they are not there now.  And for two years, I have been following another officer as she did her two year tour in Istanbul.  This summer, she started her new post in Libya.  Earlier this month, she traveled with Ambassador Stevens and wrote this sweet account of her day.  At the end of the post is a link to a photo that was in circulation of them eating together. 

We are lucky in this country that we have the freedom of speech.  With that freedom comes a responsibility to use it wisely.  It is not a license to be a dumb-ass.  Words can hurt or inspire, inflame or calm, dismiss or include, be truthful or distort, add value or diminish.  Let's try to remember the potential consequences our words and actions can produce before we speak and go forth into the universe.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Breaking board

Selim and I had our karate test this morning.  He was going for his green belt and I was up for my orange with a stripe.  I was not in the best frame of mind when we left the house.  I felt so tired.  For the past three nights I had gone to bed after 1:00 and awoke at 6:00.  My naps hadn't been very long or particularly deep in sleep.  My eyes weren't focusing very well...I was exhausted.

Since Selim and I were the top two ranked students testing, we were in the front row, right next to each other.  The warm up, kicks and hand line drills went well.  The forms part of the test was my favorite.  We both did well.  After running through three forms, the white and yellow belts bowed off the floor and left Selim and I alone to do Pyung Ahn Cho Dan. We ran through it twice -- first to the instructor's count and then on our own.  One of the black belt judging panel looked up from writing and said, "If that isn't a photo op."

That was the sweetest thing, being up there with my boy.  He did so well.  I did OK too.  The second time we did it, all you could hear was our breathing and the snap of our uniform as we blocked and punched our way around the floor.  It was the highlight for sure.

After that, we went on to sparring.  And my nose decided to let forth a huge nose bleed.  I didn't notice at first until my sparring partner asked me what the big red spot was on my uniform.  Oh my.  I had to bow off and get down on the floor, with my head tipped back, nose pinched and wait for it to stop.  I missed a few techniques, but not too many.  But that episode cracked the veneer of strength that I had managed to scrap together and my emotions got the better of me.  The next exercise was to react to a sparring move by one of the black belt instructors.  My mind left my body and I had no idea what to do.  I was embarrassed and started to cry.  I felt like a loser!  But I managed to react to two of those scenarios and move on.

Next up were front rolls.  The left shoulder roll went OK.  When I got to my right, I could not figure out how to do it.  I stood there looking at the mat.  Then I got down to my knees and did a face plant.  I didn't have anything left to give.  Mrs. Turgeon saved me by taking me off the mat and sitting me in the office and letting me cry.  When I calmed down, she got me to laugh and go back out and finish up.  So grateful for her intervention.

When it came time to break the board, most of the yellow belts were doing stepping side kicks.  Since neither Selim or I had broken a board with that move, we figured that we would be doing that as well.  But no.  I got up there and was asked to do a turning back kick.  I had my doubts but I broke it on the first try. Woo-hoo!  Selim got up tried an elbow but couldn't do it.  So they asked him to do a hammer fist and he got that on the first try.  Unfortunately, I didn't get a picture of that.




In the end, both of us were promoted.  The new belts were ordered but had not come in.  So some time in the next week or so we will get our new belts.  I won't get a new one; a stripe will be added to the orange belt that I have.  But Selim will get a green and his uniform will need green trim around the edges. 

I have to keep reminding myself that this karate journey is a lesson in humility -- physically and emotionally.  I have come a long way in the past year and I have lots more to learn.  The essay I had to write for this test was on the importance of the Five Codes.  The word "honor" is in two, Honor Friendship and In Battle, Chose with Sense and Honor.  There is honor in trying my best, in finishing a test I didn't think I had the energy to start, and getting back onto the mat after embarrassing myself.

When we got home, Selim and I celebrated with a bowl of ice cream.  Before lunch.  While he worked on his Legos and watched a movie, I went into the back bedroom and fell asleep.

In the afternoon, I went into the library room and played with fabric.  I figured out the fabric combinations for Amy's place mats and I sewed the wavy boarder strips.  I had wanted to make these for her last Christmas but I didn't find the time.  I'm not sure if I will get them finished before they close up the lake house for the summer, but it will be close.

I'm also trying to decide about the sashing fabric for the bed quilt that I started sometime after I got back from London last year.  I had bought two fat quarters at a needlework/fabric in Kew Garden that were the inspiration fabric for the quilt.  I found more of it online at a shop in Utah and ordered more for the boarder.  So now I need a tonal print for the sash.  I bought a pink and an orange in Portsmouth last week and I haven't totally made up my mind.  I think the pink ties in more obviously with the boarder fabric, but the orange with the blue squares is also pretty. 




I've made progress on the place mats for our house that I started as a trial run before working on Amy's.  The four place mats are pinned and ready for quilting.  Last week I also bought an 8-pack fat quarter grouping that I will make into another four place mats.  The blue, brown and green match up nicely with the four I have already.  Even though the new fabric has a lot of pink, I still think that the two sets will compliment each other.







And that is the fabric round up!

Friday, September 7, 2012

Communication gaps

This summer, the communication with my hubby has been hard and lacking in any real depth.  Going back to second shift means we don't see each other very much.  It is impossible to remember to say what is important when we are in the parent on duty hand-off mode, and I am rushing to get out the door to work.  I'm barking out reminders for the night and he is trying to shift the mental gears from finishing up his work to being home.  Or worse, he is still on the phone and I'm carrying on with my instructions, as if he has never been alone with Selim for an evening before because I'm still the mom and have to have my say.  Sigh.  When I get home, he is asleep.  So we call each other during the day with the things that we forgot when we parted ways in the morning.  Not ideal.

So a few weeks ago he asked if he could go to North Carolina to attend a large meeting of the Turkish American Cultural Center and business folks, leaving on Labor Day and returning on Thursday.   All the Turkish representatives from around the country would be there and they would have meetings with government people.  Seemed reasonable and he was excited about it.  We looked at the calendar; since Monday was a holiday, no problem.  Tuesday was my first compressed day off so that would work.  Wednesday Mom comes.  And Thursday I would take off or we could ask Mom if she could stay on one more night.

Sunday night while at Heather's I was surfing online and seeing all these references for the Democratic National Convention being held in Charlotte, NC for the week.  Somehow I missed that the convention was following so closely on the heals of the Republican one in Tampa.  Hmmm.  Was that the large gathering that my hubby was going to?

On Monday morning I called him mid-morning to make sure that he landed OK.  Our conversation went something like this:

     "Are you in Charlotte?"
     "Yes."
     "North Carolina?"
     "Yes."
     "Are you going to the Democratic Convention?"
     "Yes."
     "Did you know that is where you were going before you left?"
     "Yes, Tatlim (our Americanized version of Turkish, my sweetie). I knew."
     "When were you going to tell me?"
     "I didn't think about it.  I'm heading into a meeting to talk with people.  I'll call you back later."

All righty then.  All week our conversations were cut short because of, "Gotta go, I'm about to go through security to meet Michelle Obama." 





Or, "I'm having breakfast with the Governor and I have to catch a ride to his hotel."  Or, "I can't hear you the noise inside is too much.  Turn on the TV and see if you see me.  There are cameras everywhere." 



He was in his element -- just in a completely more sophisticated, polished, professional, high powered crowd.  Now he is off to an Obama rally in Portsmouth this morning.

The whole political scene makes me sad.  From my perspective, there is so little honesty in the fervor of the campaign.  Don't people remember that it was under Bush that the economy collapsed?  How many millions of jobs vanished under Bush?  Why do people have amnesia about that and blame Obama?  Why wouldn't we want some banking regulations back in place.  We saw the results of deregulation and it wasn't pretty.  What is so wrong with people with existing medical conditions have health insurance?  Or removing medical caps?  God forbid something happens to Selim later in life because his birth costs upwards of $300,000.  He wouldn't have much left in the cap system.

Is the recession all Bush's fault?  No.  Is the slow recovery all Obama's fault?  No.  Will the economy drastically improve under Romney?  No.  The person at the top has some influence, but not as much as all the ads want us to believe.  There are global forces at play here, as well as the effects of decisions made years ago that are now coming to fruition.

For me, it comes down to the social issues.  I want a leader who respects my ability to make moral decisions about my body without regulatory oversight.  I want a leader who believes in equality in all its forms, including marriage.  I want a leader who has the humility to recognize all the forms of help he has received in life and is grateful for them.  I want a leader who values public service and servants, both military and civilian regardless of their political party, gender or who they love.  I want a leader who understands the difference between the important role government plays in the oversight clean water and air and the role that it should not play in the number of children I birth.  I want a leader who sees the value of all Americans, not just the rich.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Labor Day

Selim and I did a little happy dance when we pulled into the driveway, six hours after leaving Heather and Stan's.  The only thing that made it a non-teary event was the fact that she will be coming up for Sant Bani's Homecoming weekend later on this month.  Before we left, I made sure that we took a few pictures.





After a little tickle, my nephew turned around.



This morning was cool and cloudy so we decided against going to the pool.  The boys got their fix of water by playing water balloon toss.  Heather drew great targets in the driveway.







After the area got hosed down to get rid of the black walnut shells, Heather and Selim played hockey.  As Heather said, what he lacks in accuracy, he makes up in power.  It was a close game with Selim taking the match at 15-12.






Selim enjoyed his goals.





So did Heather.



In the ends, being good competitors, they shook hands.



Around 12:30 we packed up and left.  I was nervous about the traffic going home.  We took a slightly different route and took 95 to New Haven so that we could stop at IKEA.  I have to say, that was the best pit stop ever.

We made it out of there after an hour and a half with my wallet and sanity intact.  Traffic was flowing and we made it home in good time.  When we got off the last highway Selim and I shouted our boo-yahs and woo-hoos as we drove up Dover Point Road.  At 6:15 we pulled into our driveway.  I peeled off the imaginary racing stripes and sponsor logos, and tossed the pretend helmet aside.  Safely home.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Bronx Zoo

Today's outing was the Bronx Zoo.  We were up and at 'em so early this morning, that we got there before the parking lot opened.  We waited for ten minutes or so before the Fordham Road Gate opened and we were able to park in a primo parking spot.



The plan for the day was to see the tigers and bears (oh my) on the way to the Monorail.  Since the Monorail gets crowded, we thought that we would try to get there early on to avoid the long lines. 

First up was Tiger Mountain.  The tigers weren't close up, but we did see them.  We were impressed by their size.  Good to know that I am smaller than a stretched out tiger, just in case I ever thought that I could take one on or out run it.  And Selim is 4 feet tall! Woot!





As we continued on, we came to a sleeping polar bear.  I was thinking that he must love the winter.  The painted white concrete can't be as cold as real ice.



The Himalayan Highlands exhibit contained the snow leopards and red panda.  The snow leopards were so pretty. 



The red panda was cute, but hiding.




Then we came to the Asia Plaza and the Monorail. 





The line was short and we we were able to get on the next train.  I found it hard to take pictures from a moving train, but I did get some decent shots of deer



a rhinoceros



and elephants.



It was also nice to sit down for a few minutes.  When we got off, lunch was the next order of business.  Selim ate his tofu sandwich so fast, I teased him by asking if he fed it to an animal.  We polished off the watermelon, french fries and drank almost all our water.  Fortified, we stopped at a gift shop where the cousins bought battery powered water spray fans.  Self-cooling mechanisms in hand, we walked on past the camel rides to the African Plains where zebras were hanging out.





Next up, giraffe building.  Since they weren't inside, we skipped it and kept going towards the gorilla exhibit, the Congo Forest.  The Mandrills and small monkeys were first.







In between the monkey and gorilla spaces were inside exhibits of frogs, snakes and other insects.   I didn't linger or photo document.  The gorillas are in a big space.  Looking at their faces and postures, it is easy to see one aspect of evolution in play.






By this point, the adults were flagging and we decided that the three hours we had spent made for a great day.  So we started back towards the car.  Luckily, we passed by a better giraffe viewing.




It took me a few minutes to realize that the lumps to the left of the giraffes were ostriches.



I really wanted to see the flamingos and we passed them on the way as well.





And of course, there was one more gift shop to enter.  Since it is hard to leave empty handed, we bought a new friend.



Since the boys were wearing their London 2012 t-shirts, we needed to capture.



As I was reviewing all 156 photos, I discovered that I managed to capture many animal bumpsters.  It was not intentional, but there you have it (them).








An aspect of the zoo that I really liked were all the animal architectural details.  Hello, we were at a zoo, but I had fun observing the ways that they were scattered throughout the grounds.  From the opening gates,





to the signs




 and signpost finials.




There were statues, parts of fountains, and roof details.









It was a great way to spend three hours.  By the time we got home, all the boys in the car were asleep.