After the bus picked Selim up yesterday morning, I headed out to the beach. The road crew was working on our driveway, tamping down the dirt in preparation for paving. It was noisy, there was miscommunication between my hubby and I on the plan for the dirt area in front of the house, and I was pissed. So I got out of there.
The ocean always provides a much needed change of perspective. When I pulled into the parking lot at Wallis Sands, there was one other car. I found a great back rest in the sand and plunked down my gear. I walked for a bit before settling down to read. But reading was too taxing, so I tilted my face to the sun and closed my eyes. A few deep breaths later and I felt much better.
Not only did I need an attitude adjustment, but also the space to remember that I see things through my own angle of vision. Nobody is going to see things exactly as I do -- and it doesn't make them wrong. My hubby understood that I wanted to front semi-circular area in the front of the house for a patio instead of a glorified dirt patch. The area in front of the ersatz rock wall had been prepped for field stone or some type of flat paver by Robert this summer. Nedim thought that the area could be enhanced and therefore improved if the rocks were removed and the whole area were turned into a patio space. That would eliminate the patch of grass on the other side of the rocks that was so hard to mow. From his perspective, asking the guys that were working on the driveway to dig up the rocks was a good idea and he thought it would please me.
Imagine his surprise when I tore out of the house in a rage, heading right for him, mouth foaming, because the backhoe was tearing up the area where I have my crocuses. He's looking at me like I've lost my mind because I'm going on and on about flowers that he can't see. What he does see is an area with overgrown grass that he has trouble cutting. I'm in his face yelling at him that we didn't talk about this and turning the whole thing into a referendum on our marital communication. Right, we NEVER talk! Using absolutes always helps in these situations. He's confused and rapidly getting mad at me. From his perspective, we had talked about the plan for that area. I told him I wanted a small patio area there and he was making it happen. End of story.
When I open my eyes and start looking around at the beach, I look to my right and see in the distance, what looks to be an animal sculpture of wood. Granted, I was not wearing my glasses, so clarity in vision was not happening. It is hard to see from these pictures because I had on the zoom, but this looked like a big bird or bat with wings on the right side. I knew it wasn't real. But it did look like someone had constructed it on purpose. I got up and walked towards it to see what it was. Here I was, thinking that there was going to be a beautiful sculpture and it was nothing but happenstance wood and my poor eyesight. It seemed to me to be a physical manifestation of my morning. What I see depends on my angle of vision.
To reinforce the idea that I need to be better at adjusting my perspective, I watched the ship glide past the Isles of Shoals, heading to the mouth of the river to take its cargo into Portsmouth. First it looks like it is out at sea.
Then, it looks like it will crash into the rocks.
And if I hadn't gotten the message already, how about a ship on top of the rocks.
I'm not saying that I was wrong and my hubby right. That would be going too far. But, I need to do a better job of acknowledging that he has his own point of view and comes at things from his own perspective. And he doesn't go about his life trying to make me mad. I should know better than that.
I was happy that I had my camera in my bag. There were bird tracks to document. They reminded me of horseshoe crabs or some kind of ray.
The morning beach goers had left their prints behind -- bird, dog and human.
And the sun glinted off the water in such a beautiful way.
I spent two hours listening to the sound of the ocean and regaining some much needed perspective. It felt like I recalibrate back to sane woman and not the raving banshee that I had been earlier in the day. I can replace crocuses easier than I can repair the hurt feelings I caused.