For years I kept journals -- in composition, spiral bound, and French graph paper books. This blog is an attempt to get back to writing and documenting the world around me using photos, newspaper headlines, and other articles.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Feels like Mom failure

Selim had his 7 year old check up today.  The good news is that he didn't have to have any vaccinations.  The bad news, he hasn't grown a lot or added much weight this year and the doctor was concerned.  So we had to go next door to the lab and have them draw blood to check for anemia.  Oh boy.  That wasn't much fun for either of us.  Selim sat in my lap and his whole body shook.  I had to help hold his arm straight and still so that she could insert the needle into the inside elbow area.  It was hard on us both, but he did it.  He cried the whole way home, more from the pressure of the band aid and the idea of it than real pain.

I feel like a mom failure.  Eating has never been Selim's strong suit.  I try really hard to make the food I know he will eat, that is nutritionally balanced.  But is has always been a challenge.  Rarely does he say his is hungry.  He would rather talk, move, play -- than eat.  I've gotten used to his food patterns and haven't been that worried.  He isn't the smallest in his class and he seems regular to me.  To have the doctor express concern like that threw me for a loop.

Tonight I went online to look at the growth charts.   I remember that it took him three years to make it on to the charts for the first time.  At age four he was solidly on there.  I looked tonight and he is in the bottom 5th percentile for weight and isn't even on it for height.  I do not want food to be an issue for Selim.  I have a weight problem and I hope my issues haven't subconsciously translated into Selim not wanting to be like me.  I'm just sad and confused tonight and feel like bad mommy.

And between now and 9:00am tomorrow, I have to get my head in gear and be prepared for an interview.  I made the group of 30+ people who scored high enough on the initial qualifications to rate an interview for the GS-12/13 position in our office.  After the first round of interviews are finished this week, they will do a second round for the top 6 interviewees.  After that, they will make a decision.  I've got a suit out for tomorrow, now I just have to get my mind ready.

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